Healing + Hope
A couple weeks ago my Thailand roommate from my first 2 years was in the area and stopped by my home in South Carolina. We caught up on life on the other side, we cried, we drank coffee and we ate Thai food. We grieved together and forgave and let go of some hurt but mostly we got to share in our experience of returning home the good and bad and the urge to run away from it all.
2 years ago I stepped off the plane back into life in America, I was eager and hopeful. I was ready for what God had for me next. Very quickly all my hopes and dreams were clouded by pain and heartache and confusion. It was clouded by reverse culture shock and my new life not feeling like it was good enough, I had a lot of dreams that day 2 years ago...but they very quickly crashed and burned. But hold up yall…this isn’t a story about the pain, it’s a story about the healing, the hope.
Here’s the thing...I’m glad it all crashed and burned...I’m serious, because in those ashes I found what really mattered, I found hope again, I found Jesus. I found myself.
I don’t think if someone would have told me how hard coming back would be that I would have even believed them but y’all I’m here to tell you coming back is harder than going and someone needs to hear that!
The going gets praised and prayers and people check-in and love on you from afar, you feel alone but you know people got you because they tell you...
But coming home...that’s another story. You walk back into a life you once had but it’s all different because it’s been years since you lived it. People don’t check-in, you no longer know if people have your back, no one asks you how you’re really doing...you are more alone than ever before. (side note: friend, its not your fault…it’s just how it is, no hard feelings)
But here’s the thing, in that silence, in those broken dreams, in the darkness, something changes and you learn how to live, how to truly be alive and it isn’t dependent on the people you are around or the things you’re doing or where you are physically...it’s dependent on God and His grace...and for maybe the first time ever you realize you are enough...that the things you did for Him on the other side of the world were good and well but who you are becoming and the things you do here and now matter just the same…even if it’s not seen as brave or meaningful.