An open letter to my cdh family!

This photo came up this week in my timehop and got me thinking. The Lord has been teaching me so much and I have so much to be thankful for. I feel like this post has been 3 years in the making.

You may be thinking, what Erin you are crazy, and yes, yes I am. But 3 years ago we took this photo in CDH. Looking back it was one of the most formative years of my life and I feel like I am just now fully able to see the fruit of it.

You guys are some of the only people who can join me in saying that you lived in a house with 5 guys, 4 girls and a married couple.

Living life with yall changed my life forever. It was 3 years ago, but I feel like lately I have been able to see more clearly the effects that each of you had on me. So so many things have been ingrained in me that I didn't even realize it until now, 3 years later. Not everyone gets to learn these things in the safe zone of a loving pretend family, but we did.

Now don't get me wrong it was not easy sharing a house with you 10. We fought over what movie to watch, we rolled our eyes at our famous computer clicking friend so many times before we lovingly called him out, we left each other out, we hated family fun nights 90% of the time. Remember that one time I was locked in a room with one of you until we worked out our junk yelling and crying and don't even get me started on that last night sleeping on the floor sharing our deepest secrets from the year as it will forever scar my mind. But you people are so special to me and 3 years later I can't help but look in awe at how our lives have changed: 3 marriages, 2 babies, 1 engagement, 2 degrees, 2 international moves, (3 if you count moving back to america for megan) lots of new jobs and lots of new homes, but what I learned in CDH through you guys has shaped me forever.

Here is what I learned:

Forgiveness: Zach and Ash you live and breathe this lesson and it was one that changed me completely. When I entered into the program I had a ton of baggage mostly from my previous job at a church. I was hurt and burnt out and ministry was sucking the life out of me, but there I was doing ministry for CKM and you could see right through me. You called me out one day I will never forget and canceled my current projects and told me I had to deal with forgiveness before I could do anything else. I was so mad. I thought I had hidden my hurt. I hadn't. What happened next though was a beautifully painful lesson that you guys walked me through. One that ended up with me sitting in front of the pastor I had worked for telling him of my hurt and forgiving him and the church. It was hard, but it taught me how to truly forgive. Deep pain requires deep forgiveness and since then I have had the opportunity to forgive and forgive and while it sucks I am so, so thankful that someone walked me through the process. Thank you.

Intentionality/Vulnerability: We all quickly realized trying to hide behind masks was not truly possible. You can until a certain point, the awkward silences at family bible study can only last so long before someone breaks and share something deeply personal. You all showed me the importance of opening up, sharing your feelings with each other and the value of learning together. I totally took this for granted. The fact that we were all learning together and trying together kind of spoiled me for the real world where sometimes I would be the only one being vulnerable. And while vulnerability can lead to terrible hurt, the art of building community is so worth it. Each of you taught me that and for that I am so so very thankful because building community is a way of life, a second nature for me now.

Grace: I am so thankful that cdh taught me the lesson of grace, in showing it to yourself and to each other and receiving grace. It's easy to beat yourself up when you mess up, let others down or others let you down, but the thing about grace is its so so freeing. Its a beautiful thing to look back at cdh, at the hard times and see now how they taught me so much and how good it feels to receive grace and to show it. Everyone needs grace, and having the chance to show it to you and you show it to me. To show grace at the sake of friendship, of the gospel, it is worth it 100% of the time. I love being able to look back and see the fruit of grace and the results that it brought of deep friendship and hope.

I am so proud of you guys. I am so thankful the Lord let me be a part of CDH 8 and I am forever indebted to each of you all for the way you loved me then and now from afar. I am truly more because of each of you and less without you. I cant wait to see what another 3 years will do for each of us!