That Rollercoaster Life
It's been awhile.
These past weeks have been so busy, so crazy packed but also so good. I have learned a lot about: forgiveness, finding peace in the here and now, making time for myself, loving others well, and finishing what I started. I also learned about bread making and practicing yoga. And I've been quiet for awhile because sometimes I can't even understand my own thoughts but I feel like I finally have something to share with you all! (You're welcome mom!)
Living overseas has been a roller coaster of a journey. Some days are "yey life is so fun", I have Thai friends, I love Thai food and I got to tell someone about Jesus and take a million pictures. Other days are more "what am I doing to myself" like oh man I got lost in a taxi, again...I can't communicate with my friends like I want, I want to hug my mom, I need my best friend...sometimes all those happen in the same day...and well you could say that makes me a little bit of a crazy person, and you would not be far from the truth.
I recently signed my intent form to stay another year! After college I lived a year or 2 here or there and never really dug deep and stayed somewhere very long and when I moved here I was ready to put down some roots, so that is what I'm doing, even if some days are hard and I find myself wanting to just give it up.
I would be lying to you if I told you it's easy, but I would also be lying to you to paint it in this painfully dark miserable light...it's life. No matter where I would be my life would be filled with its fair share of ups and downs, it's deep sadness and loneliness and hurt. I would have learned about God wherever I was, I would be changed no matter where I ended up, and I have to remind myself that while I miss home and my friends, my old job, my people, and sometimes just chipotle and chickfila...that I chose to be here. Yes God called me, and very obviously at that, but I still chose to go, I chose this life and instead of feeling like God has brought me here to the dessert I have come to realize, that in a lot of ways, I chose this and I get to choose what I make of it. I could choose to be bitter and wish I still had my the comforts of the life I left or I could choose to fully embrace Thailand and all that God has for me here. I don't want to keep looking back at what life had to offer me in America,
And if you ask me if I'm staying another year I will say, are you? Why is it that we always ask our missionary friends or friends who live abroad if they are staying another year, I don't ask my friends in America if they are gonna stay at their jobs another year, or stay in the same place another year...I want to be able to live life as if I was never leaving where I am for that time and when God calls me to pick up and go somewhere else that I will do the same thing!
I tuned in to the IF: Gathering this month and it rocked my world (If you don't know about IF you should check it out). Jill Briscoe spoke to the deepest parts of my soul. She has a quote she said that has stuck with me since I heard it, because its training my mind, my heart to be obedient.
“Go where you are sent, stay where you are put-unpack like you are never leaving, and give what you got.”
"Go where you are sent, stay where you are put, and give what you got." um yes please that is for me! She went on to talk about how she felt tired, burnt out, exhausted and she just wanted to quit but she could just hear God whisper to her heart "All the way home, jill, all the way home"
We have to carry our crosses all the way home, like to heavens gates. And let me tell you, if an 80 year old woman feels tired and worn out and she has served the Lord faithfully for most of her life and doesn't get to quit, then I know I can't give up either.
ALL THE WAY HOME FRIEND, ALL THE WAY HOME!
We must not forsake the tasks God has called us to but give it all we got. I don't know what that looks like for you but for me, it means staying even when i miss home, it means not giving up even when its hard, it means loving those who are really hard to love sometimes, it means forgiving those who hurt me even when they don't even really care, it means opening up my bible even when I don't want to.
January and February are gone just like that and in a couple months the school year will be over, and I know that now more than ever its important to give it all I've got! And for those of you who need something more than just my words...this song is currently on repeat in my world and its some good stuff, Thanks Kari!