God's Not Done!

This weekend has been one for the taxi stories...one taxi driver almost killed us because he was literally falling asleep but then theres another one...its a story worth telling...

So I got into a taxi on Saturday and I immediately found myself very frustrated because it was a lady driver and it was also one of those that wanted to talk the whole time. Like she turned off the radio to talk to me...ughh! Normally, I would not have been as frustrated by this, but it’s been a rough couple of weeks and on top of that I’m kind of a mess because everything I do feels like it’s my last time and I'm just trying to not fall apart...I can’t stand that.

Anyway, I got more frustrated when she started asking me how much money I make, tried to guess my age (which is always was too low...no I'm not 21) and told me about her whole life and how much money her husband makes (who’s also an English teacher here). She went on and on and honestly I stopped listening mostly because I could barely understand her broken english and kept asking her to repeat what she was saying. Luckily, she eventually ran out of things to say or her English taxi small talk and things got quiet for awhile as she took me down some backroads that I was unfamiliar with.

Then, when we pulled up to my home, which is also the school, she stopped and said "Can I ask you another question?" "Sure you can," I thought sarcastically, as I gathered my things to make a quick escape at the first sign of a pause. Then, she said to me out of nowhere..."so, you’re a Christian right, where do you believe I’ll go after I die?" My mind was blown...I’m sorry lady, what? Are you asking me about Jesus...my faith, the whole dang reason I moved my life to Thailand 3 years ago (face palm). I immediately felt so much conviction and quickly prayed, "ok God I’m sorry, I'm a horrible person, what do I need to say to this woman." And God being the God He is gave me all the words I needed to say and as they poured out of my mouth, I realized I needed to hear them too.

I told her about hope and how as Christians we believe that Jesus is the son of God that came to earth to make merit for all of our sins. To which she asked, "Even Thailand? I don’t know about that!" I enthusiastically said, "of course Thailand that’s why I’m here I came to tell Thai people that he loves them too." And then she looked at me and asked, "but what if I don’t believe all that, where do you believe I’ll go when I die, you believe I’ll burn in a scary place?" (How does one answer this question, I'm not sure but I said, "yeah I do, but here’s the thing I’ve learned about Thailand...you guys have no certainty what your life will look like after you die, you think if you’re good enough in this world you could come back as something better but you also realize that’s not likely because you’ve screwed up a lot....but as a Christian I know that after I die I will be with Jesus and it makes living life so much more exciting because I have hope that in the end all things will be made right."

She had a twinkle in her eye as my meter ran up the charge but all I could say was, "I hope you know that Jesus loves you too." And then she gave all the signs she was done talking and I gathered my things and got out of the taxi.

As I walked to my house, I was amazed at what just happened and thought to myself "good lord Erin get it together, you are a selfish mess and you need to pull it together and be looking for these moments so they don’t sneak up on you next time." I was definitely mad at myself.  But then in the softest, faintest place in my heart I could hear the Lord say, "It’s ok, Erin, I’m still using you. I’m not done with you yet. You're still here for a purpose. I’ve got enough grace to go around!" I was obviously in tears before I made it to my house. God is just too good sometimes.

So here’s me confessing to you that life is hard...and its messy...and it’s confusing. I'm sinful, and emotional, and broken and selfish, but even in all that God is using me still, and whatever your circumstance God is using you too, he’s not done with you yet! I was going to spend my Saturday going through all the things that I need to sell in my house sale next week but instead I went to my favorite spot to be alone and think and pray and create. I didn't even know it but the real reason why I left my house was to end up in that taxi on my way home with the very woman who God wanted me to talk to.

I didn't have to do anything that I wasn't already doing I just had to show up and let God do the rest! That's all he is asking for: just show up, be real, love others, and don't quit!

That's what I'm over here trying to do these next 30 days as school is winding down, I'm selling my stuff and packing up my things, and as I try to spend all the time I can with people I love. I know that it's so easy to quit and check out...but that is not the way to leave something, that's not how I want to leave! I want to be available to God to keep using me even when its hard and uncomfortable and I'm just kinda done..but HE'S NOT DONE YET!